Love Is Not Enough

The limits of affection in a hateful world

My younger brother texted me this past weekend and asked if we could talk. We’re both adults with families of our own living thousands of miles apart and although we used to be close, we’ve gradually drifted apart over time, distance, and the minutiae of adult life. And so, when I received a text at 9:00PM on a Friday night (11:00PM his time) to set up a phone call, I knew he had something important to say.

About a year and a half earlier I had come out as transgender to my family, including my children, parents, and siblings. To my children (then 9 and 12) I came out in person and they were almost immediately accepting. We all cried, and hugged and they went to sleep in my bed that night. We woke up the next morning and went about our business exactly the same as before. To my extended family I sent a heartfelt email I’d been writing and rewriting for over a year followed by a text message “check your email.” The response was as rapid as it was welcome. My brother texted back almost immediately “Of course, I’ll still love you.” My parents took a bit longer, but both indicated they would love me, and just needed some time to understand things. This was, as you might imagine, an enormous relief. Both my parents live in central Indiana and although miraculously liberal politically, don’t have much experience with…